I finally cracked it. The madness is in the method. To make good hummus using one 14.5oz/400g can of chickpeas:
Put 2 tbsp tahini, 2 tbsp lemon juice, 1 tbsp olive oil, and 1 tbsp water in to a food processor. Blend until fully emulsified and very smooth. Add 1 can of chickpeas (rinsed and drained), 1 clove of garlic, 1 tbsp water, a pinch of ground cumin, and big pinch of salt. Blend to a purée. Taste and add more salt or lemon juice as necessary. Add water to fine-tune the consistency.
Drizzle with olive oil to serve. Garnish with paprika, za’tar, chopped coriander, toasted cumin seeds, extra chickpeas, etc.
No messing around with dried chickpeas or peeling (!) legumes. I can make this amount of hummus in the tiny food processor attachment that came with my stick blender. Related, the Super Kim can opener by Nogent is the only can opener that should exist.